Saturday, February 4, 2012

Broken Heart Syndrome

 ”Our hypothesis is that massive amounts of these stress hormones can go right to the heart and produce a stunning of the heart muscle that causes this temporary dysfunction resembling a heart attack,” says cardiologist Ilan Wittstein, M.D., an assistant professor at The Johns Hopkins University School of Medicine and its Heart Institute. “It doesn’t kill the heart muscle like a typical heart attack, but it renders it helpless."

"Renders it helpless"... Medical science has somehow validated the feeling of helplessness, and severe pain a broken heart can cause. Often people hear of the pain of a broken heart, but until they actual experience it - Only after they lose the one thing that they love the most, the one thing that is nearest and dearest to them - can they understand that it is a reality.The pain of it is an unbearable reality, that so many have a difficult time surviving.

There isn't a remedy for this ailment. There isn't an ointment or pill or treatment that can affectively make your symptoms 'go away'.

I've been searching for a cure for over a year, and I only feel worse. I am becoming extremely sick, or a better word might be, 'unwell'. My disease is progressing, and I'm getting desperate. I've found that this pain is too great to bear, and I intentionally cause external pain to myself, in an effort to aleviate the internal pain. All I'm left with are scars. The wound inside is still a gaping hole freely bleeding, and I'm not sure if it will ever scar, while the wounds on the outside scar up as a reminder that I am not yet whole.

I am hungry but I can't eat. I am so tired, but I can't sleep. I'm in a constant whilrwind of screams and disaster in my mind, but I'm a blank expression on the outside. I'm worse than dead, I'm suffering. My agent of torture is the one I love the most. And I'm begging for the final blow, but fear I'm too much of a coward to accept it.

1 comment:

  1. Wow this really resonated with me. I wrote about coming back from a broken heart on my blog about a month ago. I will say, from experience, that it DOES get better...even if it takes a long time to do so.